not really a shame. thought about it, did some reading, took some notes. i dont want to say "blessing in disquise"; it sounds too clicheed and inappropriate. I dont feel this was the product of divine intervention. I feel, actually, a lot of pain and hurt and large, gaping sorrow. I miss what I thought we could have been. I miss the idea of a family we shouldve been able to have if you hadnt been spilling lies the whole time, if you werent busy trying to convince yourself that youre someone you're not and will never be. That i am, also, someone i am not.

We couldve been 12 on a playground at recess. Only, the teacher didnt see the rocks you were throwing. we couldve been the two boys from your past- u the one who stole my mitt and I the one pleading for the aid to see right through you to the truth. Instead, i was the one who got in trouble, the one labeled "thief", the one spilled out onto the sandy and uncertain pavement.

thanks for the memories. thanks for finally letting me in on the big secret.

"never loved me" ooooooo. KO: Jonas J