Im doing this for you

That's what I tell you, at least. That's the only leg I have to stand on, with you. You say that you take everything I say with a grain of salt, but I think that's a measure of your own self loathing.

Maybe.

Who am I to judge? I've never been any good at it- that's why I stay away from gossip circles (comments about bad behavior and poorly coordinated outfits not-withstanding). Real judgements are not the strong suit of human beings. Real judgements are not for us to make.

But, I have wanted this for as long as I can remember. I've never strayed, hardly wavered. I stood by the couch today listening to you tell me that you think this could be a farse, just short of another workup of my imagination and I almost raged like the lunatic you want to make me out to be. Almost, until the want to cry overwhelmed. Almost until I knew it made no sense, until I realized you really had no leg to stand on. With that, any how. I have been volunteering in the field and piling the science extra credit on, and snatching up the most impressive courseload, and speaking to every med student that walks into my life- reaching for this dream- at every opportunity. Don't tell me I don't want this. Don't tell me I can't taste it every morning, even before my morning coffee. Don't tell me I cant see it, feel it, describe the curve of its back and the smell of its skin. It is that real it sleep with me at night, watches me study, drags me to class and into my books and out of my distractions. This is who I want to be, in the thick of human madness, in the middle of human intrigue. Barreling towards the answers to the puzzels that plague the human condition.