hardly

"comfortable" is hardly what I would label my life. It is hard and crazy and, did I mention hard? You've forgotten that I have no family, no one in my corner. You've forgotten I have no financial back-up in case I lose my job or my hours get cut (as they have the past 3 weeks, and still I oblige, and of course make no probes when you ask for more). You forget about the Ivy league education I am crucifying myself for. You forget I havent had a full nights sleep in...in....? And also, there is that thing that you know-- that you know well, in fact-- that causes me to alienate the people I love on an irregular but predictable basis.

get your facts straight (its 17 not 19, its a credit, not an exemption and residence has nothing to do with it, im alone and working my ass off not sitting around fucking with you and twittling my thumbs). stop jerking off in my ear. its really getting old and bothersome. If i can pull myself out of what I came from, and even where I am now, hit the ground running and never, ever stop, then you can too. you are the maker of your destiny and if things arent "fair", thats because they never are. Im here for him and im here for you. I always, always come through when you ask but you just have to ask because you are right--i am too wrapped up in my life most of the time to notice. you're completely right. Aside from those three days, i do not know whats going on. And it isnt because I do not care. it is because my life entirely consists of 3 hours of sleep, schoolwork, commutes (jesus, the commute!!! why do i still live on long island again?), julian days, school work, school work, school work and work work(as much as I can get).

eh, whats the point? this will only make you angrier and only more grief will be coming my way. you know im well-intentioned. you know this. you know. you have to. just, look: if u have something to say, tell me in person because you are calmer and more reasonable when you have to face me. the text messages are mean and often uncalled for and generally make me cry. just talk to me, jonas...really, there is no reason to be so angry and insulting. you may know this if you faced me more often and cut down on making all of the assumptions you rely upon too often.

were going running on the boardwalk this afternoon. i am looking forward to it.